And so it goes. I resigned from the ABC. I went cap in hand to Sydney uni and asked them if they still had a job, they did, so they considered me amongst their new applicants and I got one of the positions. This is great news, but I am so fucking broken by the events of the last 3-4 months that I’m just in this grey hole, not a black hole, but grey, everything is just meh. It’s like I’m just covered in a layer of like semi permeable goo, so nothing is horrible, but nothing is really great either, just a sort of shadow inhabiting the world.
Bri thinks (and I tend to agree) that it is caused by lack of close friends here in Oz. This made me think about work, and actually that’s probably true, I probably pushed a lot of my friendship needs on to work people, which is why it has such a detrimental effect on my brain as I don’t have another group other than work colleagues to converse with etc and talk about the world.
I have been rereading Michale palins diaries, it is giving me great solace, a feeling of familiarity as he writes about London and being in his 30’s in the diaries currently and the tribulation and trials he is facing match my own, although he has a much more satisfying work environment, humbling to also see how little he was aware of the legend he and the pythons were becoming. It has made me resolved to write again, I just need to find a format that fits me, the novel, whilst great is a huge body of work and really takes up ones time, I also seem to be unable to write such long tomes whilst studying as I found that whilst studying the masters or doing the latin it uses that part of my brain and stops me. Maybe.
Anyway, this toilet is not the greatest location to spend time writing in so I shall go back to my desk.
I’ve never felt more useless and just shit as I do right now. PhD isn’t happening I made a really bad decision with the abc ob job and Ethan the bass player just quit the Band oh and Bri is going to nyc for Christmas and I can’t go because I’m gonna be working on the fireworks although the way things are going I believe I end up not doing that or going to nyc. I feel very stuck. Can’t quit as we need the money and can’t seem to find another job or the jobs I have been offered don’t really work for Bri and if I’m honest I don’t wanna be away on my own.
I wish I could cry, I feel very alone as I can’t speak to Bri anymore about it as she’s just getting sick of it and me.
Well it’s been three years and now I’m departing cutting edge. What a mad thing. It’s been so inexorably tied to my life in Australia, that departing feels a bit odd. I feel quite proud in the knowledge that I turned up here with a grand and no visa and after three years have permanent residency and will shortly be moving to the abc to hopefully do a big boy job which I have to say I am excited about.
PhD is still sort of tickling along in the background, proving very hard to get supervisor locked down, but will continue to badger and hopefully something will come of it. If not then I’m gonna write my third novel and keep up my interest in Latin and North Africa none the less. Gonna continue on the French too.
Permanent residency came through last week. Hurrah!
Sat in a production meeting at work waiting for people to stop talking so I am go to ITV to do a stock check. How exciting.
Life is good other than that really, waiting for first module of post grad result and will be having a meeting with Richard at Sydney to talk about PhD proposal etc and then hopefully that can get going.
Have also started looking vaguely at houses in the wider Sydney area, which is exciting.
Found out today that we have David. Fun stuff!
Mid April. Jeez time flies. Had PR medical checks yesterday, blood pressure was up to its usual tricks but measured in the evening at home and much better although still high. Need a holiday.
This blog has sort of half been replaced by the journal I’m keeping at work. Part of me trying to feel better about my job. Writing this laying in bed in the morning before work on your phone with bri snoozing next to you. Bit of a red wine headache.
But you’re now living in Wollstonecraft, which is nice.
Last two weeks have been very busy, moving into the new place, buying lots of furniture and putting it together whilst also building the edit suites for Pacific Rim 2 who have not been the easiest of people to do this for. Mostly sorted now though.
You are tired and feeling under the weather, not anything particularly ill symptom wise, but a bit headachey and run down. Missed a few too many lunches in the last two weeks and it’s caught up with you.
In positive news, masters is going ok, bit slow at this stage, although I’m sure that will change, Latin is also going ok, very interesting, doing all the different noun cases at the moment. Never thought I’d learn them but I have 95% got singular and plural first and second declension down, which is a (small) start.
Jesus 25th September. Sunday night 40 Baltic street in bed watching documentary on Tiwsted Sister. Bri is on a plane to Singapore for work for the week you’re on tramadol as your back is really bad you’ve been reading some journals for your dissertation even though it is two years away.
So how’s it going? Well my back is really sore again not sure why. I’ve been moved downstairs at work finally. Doesn’t seemed to have changed anything that much, bit busier than I was previously as now doing old job and new job too. Alex Elliott was down last week cam is down this week. New job has no pay rise as yet (or ever?) blues band is picking up, the original drummer left, new one we’re still waiting to jam with, hopefully on Tuesday.
Oh yeah you’ve started a masters in classical studies you’re moving in to your own place with Bri in two weeks you bought a bright red Hyundai i30 (might have said that already) and life is going well. Bri and me are having a few arguments, I think she’s struggling settling in to post wedding life, lots of pressure on me to make her happy, which of course I wanna do, but it’s hard being the sole source. We kinda hashed it out on Saturday and I think we’ve made a good turn, so hopefully we’re on the up. She’s still the most amazing girl ever, I’m lucky to have her.
Erm what else, you’ve pretty much decided on surgery for you back, looking st June 2017 to fit it in between the two parts of the masters (and to make it free on Bri’s health insurance. Haaa)
Everyone is still alive, although Bri’s dog Lilly has a brain tumour so not sure how long she’ll be about for. I think it’s good that Bri is here rather than in NYC as the distance is good to keep her mind off it.
Been thinking about death a lot recently. Entering that time of life when people will start falling off the perch. I wonder who?
Update after reading previous post. Don’t have high blood pressure, but blood tests showed high cholesterol and some odd liver marker results so have to go back in December to get that tested. Fun times.